Shots In The Dark

July 15th, 2015

The One

102 Somewhere IP

That Place, The Internet

Dear The One,

This is, perhaps, a little presumptuous.

I mean, starting a blog entirely for one purpose: To woo the woman I one day hope to marry?

Bizarre. Absurd.

Both are words I court, so be prepared for an odd courtship.

Ah, but what a ploy! You see what I’m doing. This is really just a frenzied writer’s attempt at catching himself an audience to read his writings! … That is completely true…  Who doesn’t want to read about the desperate man using the internet to take wild shots into the dark hoping to hit upon true love? If I can build the mystic of “The Man Who Can’t Be Moved” I’m golden. But it’s not for the audience. It really is for you. The One girl that will stick with me to the day we die and beyond. Having a large audience merely aids in the probability that you will one day read these words and fall hopelessly, helplessly in love with me.

Actually, never mind. If that’s how you’re gonna fall for me, I should quit right now. What is the point of an easy romance? What’s the fun in a girl who’s hopeless, helpless in my arms? Yuck. I need a feminist over here to cancel that thought out, please! Yeah, the kind who won’t let me open a door for them, causing me to feel like I’m somehow not a man due to my own mother and father’s relentless training and indoctrination on the subject of “being a gentleman.” Yeah. That would be great.

Do you see what I’m getting at? How can I even know that you exist? Where on the spectrum between I’m-so-feminist-I-eat-nails-and-build-houses-and-birth-babies-on-the-sofa-at-home-without-men-because-I-can-do-everything-a-man-can-do-and-more (whew, glad we got through that one) and that delicate damsel up there who sees my handsome face and faints in the excitement of it all?

Unless of course that feminist and that damsel don’t actually exist anywhere in the real world. You’re just some girl who I can’t help but hope exists at all.

But you’re not just some girl. You’re the one that loves me (or will after reading this blog *cough cough*) despite me.

You're wondering “this is so stupid, how does this weirdo expect to get a woman to like him with this internet junk?” Well… that’s part of the problem. I don’t.

But you, when you read this, will somehow understand. Somehow you’ll see a young man that appeals to you and no other member of the rest of the world has to understand it. Just you.

And the rest of you. Yeah, everyone who thinks I’m just some weirdo on the internet. Do me a favor. Share this blog. Anywhere. Everywhere. Even if it’s just on the Facebook page you made for your cat. Maybe with your help I’ll find her.

Sincerely,

Aaron

P.S.  At least I hope you find my face handsome… that would be awkward if we finally meet and you’re like: “oh, about that…”