Her's is the Life

Dear The One:

What is a woman's love?

My mission president told me about how he was many times upon his knees begging the Lord to heal the heart of his wife whom he had wounded. He spoke of how he'd hurt her without trying, but it wasn't an excuse. He needed God to forgive him and change him so he'd hurt her no more. Yet, he did it again and again because he was both unaware of how tender she was and how abrasive he yet was. Please help me know how to stop hurting her was the thing for which he pleaded.

The thought came: if I exaggerate in my mind the purity, virtue, and tenderness of any woman I'm with, I'm probably just beginning to approach the truth. Hopefully, I'll also begin to treat them at the level of respect and care which they deserve.

In this context, my mind turned to what it'd be like to spend a lifetime with a woman, a woman who's special to me, who could be a mother to my children. It led me to think about marriage. On one face it seems that marriage was instituted for the man. It helps guarantee that the woman will stay despite the foolishness of men; despite all the errors we make from carelessly breaking their hearts--to meaningfully hurting them.

Yet on the other hand marriage seems to be made for women. Women who want to be loved forever, faithfully, and completely. It was made to save women the hurt of watching their man run off with other women. It was made for women who want to be mothers and one day have two rocking chairs set side-by-side and children and grandchildren sitting all around. It seems that nature made marriage for women, but men must be made into husbands before marriage is made for them.

It makes me reflect on the love of a woman, a mother. Who's love is it that rocks a crying child? Who's love is it that stays up late with a son suffering from depression or spends 5 hours on the phone with a daughter who's fiance left her? Who's love is it that kisses booboos and spreads healing aloe on a glowing burn? Is it the aloe that heals? Or is it the touch of Mother?

Who's love is it that most closely resembles the love of Jesus Christ?

A woman's. A mother's.

What have I done to deserve it? Honestly, I don't think that's a fair question. A woman's love is different, so pure, that like the Savior's love, it may just be heretical to think that you can deserve it. Even so, there is one advantage left to men, which is that women also feel a need to be loved, wanted, and appreciated by a man. This alone gives us place in their lives. Oh, and one more thing. Remember the gardener? Women, like flowers, flourish when given the things that they need. So what then is the love of a man? If our love is lesser, so be it, but I believe our love is like the key to a woman's heart. When a man loves a woman she shines and the world is blessed as she grows, and as she becomes what God always intended her to be. A man's love is mostly, mostly, about giving her wings to fly.

Perhaps, perhaps, you could say that a man's love is really just about setting her love free so she can be all she can be.

I realize I've been making a grand mistake. I've been looking for a woman willing to live the life I want to live. No, no. It is mine to find a woman whose life is something I want to see and stand by her supportively as she lives out the goodness and grace inherently before her. It is mine to support her in her dreams, support her as a mother, and guide her children back to her. It is mine to love her into her fullness. Why? Because I can't pretend to love like a woman. I could never replace what she is. So what I can I do?

Love her like I love my mother.

So I will.

Onward and Upward

Aaron Pennam